Back from a lengthy hiatus in order to write stories that make you wish we would go on hiatus

Freddie is my clown who lives next door. He is a jolly sort of clown-person despite his severe handicap. That is, despite the fact that he has seven butt cheeks, he can still play the piano, dance like a fool, and fit in a tiny car with all of his sexually ambiguous friends. He even finds ways to use his bodaciously bizarre bott/oum to improve his clowning. Using each ass cheek as well as his hands, he has the ability to juggle 14 flaming iguanas at a time. Freddie shares his show with his midget one legged wife, Laura. Mostly he performs in my basement while my mom is out. I had always liked Freddie and his antics until that fateful day last Christmas. Everyone in my family had come over for Santa brunch, including my uncle Bahbarly and auntie Dumdum, and Freddie wanted to reveal himself to them. Unfortunately, the iguanas hadn’t been fed in eight months, and they were hungry for blood. Just as three of the bigger iguanas had clawed out both of Uncle Bahb’s eyeballs and testicles, the other 11 headed straight for Laura’s lone midget leg. Laura jumped in shock pouring a bowl of hot clam chowder down her voluptuous midget tits. The smell of the bubbly, chowdery sizzling tits sent the lizards into a blood frenzy. Laura squirmed around under a pile of chowder-lubed iguanas for about 15 minutes before the ghost busters showed up. The one played by Dan Akroyd giggled like a ninny, and I think the black guy farted. The nerdy one asked if we had a ghost problem, and Auntie Dumdum said “Nope, nopies.” At this time a shit faced Bill Murray slammed through the door wearing only a “vote obama” tank top and a purple fanny pack. Bill then slammed Aunt Dumdum to the floor, yelled I’ll show you a ghost and shoved his cock down her 93 year old throat.
So you can imagine how Freddie must have changed after that whole debacle. He gave up clowning around out of respect for his tiny, dead wife . Now he’s a professional six-baby stroller (think about it) and lives completely alone. I may never see him again, but I’ll always remember that seven-assed clown.